Balls, Boobs and Douche Nut Clusters – all by Barrett

These first two stories have been sitting in my draft file for a while so they are a little dated but still funny!

Yesterday Barrett and I were making popcorn balls for his class party which is today. He was chatting me up and says “There are two types of balls mom. Do you know what they are?” Crap, I felt like I was being tested by this kid. “Well, there’s the one you throw and hmmm”
“You really don’t know mom?” and I’m thinking OMG is he getting to be this old? He’s challenging me because he knows I know. Did he hear something at school again?! Because just a week ago he tells me how they are reading a book in class and it had the S word in it. I assumed stupid, nope the other one. My eyes got big and I searched my head quickly and came up with, shut-up. Yes! That was the “bad” word. Then Barrett pipes up “Oh did you think I meant the OTHER S word? You know s-h-i-t-e” WHAT! First, you spelt it wrong and second where did you hear that? School, school, school. BLAH! Anyway, I chose to play dumb to whatever type of ball he was referring too. I’ll see if he’ll say it. “MOM! Ball like the Queen is going to the ball!” OH YES! He’s still my 7 year old. Phew

Christmas cards have been trickling in. The other day we got a picture from my cousin. It’s of her three children, two boys and one girl. We haven’t seen them in a year but all it takes is one year and these preteens blossom. Barrett comes to me with the picture and says “Did you see this picture mom? Look at them.” He’s pointing right to my little nieces boobs which were not there last December. (My cousins and I refer to each others kids and nieces and nephews)
“Look at how big she’s getting mom. Can you believe how big she’s getting?”
She’s your cousin!!! I didn’t say that but I felt uncomfortable enough to reach down and move his finger more toward her face. I stuck with playing dumb, “Yeah everyone grows up quickly when you aren’t there to watch”. He’s going to be a boob man I bet.

Scott calls me at work to tell me Barrett came home with another fundraiser. Nope, I quickly said. We’ll just give the PTA the $20 I would have spent. Well, Barrett said he really wants the douche nut balls. THE WHAT! When Scott heard Barrett’s request he snatched the form out of Barrett’s hand to quickly correct his reading mistake. It’s deluxe nut clusters, Barrett. Good greif!

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