Me. Today, it goes to me. Last night Barrett told me he wanted to make me breakfast. I appreciated the warning so I could mentally prepare myself for the fighting between brothers who want to help, a messy kitchen and the clean up that would take place but it would be a labor of love because this kid of mine wanted to do something special for his mom to show her how much he loves her. Is hours of cleaning up after kids, after they’ve made their attempt to clean up, my love language? No, certainly not. My love language is words of affirmation. So I’ll translate a messy kitchen and a mediocre breakfast into “You’re the best mom ever!”Did I accomplish that this morning? No, I did not.
Instead of doing what a good mom would do, I walked into my kitchen and immediately assessed the damage. Salt was ALL OVER the floor. Pancake batter was spilled on the counters and all over the cook top. Hundreds of paper towels crumbled up were all over the floor and counters and there stood Barrett with a huge smile on his face cooking sausage. He tells me that his pancake batter didn’t turn out right and I should make it again so he can make the pancakes right. OH YEA, Happy Mother’s Day to ME!! I told him to start picking up his mess starting with the napkins, then he could sweep up the salt and vacuum up what he can’t sweep. I took over the cook top and properly mixed the batter because I wasn’t making it again and adjusted the temperature on the griddle so the sausage wouldn’t burn.
He complied with his orders and put away the tools after cleaning up his mess and by now breakfast was made. I pulled out a meal replacement bar and poured myself a cup of coffee. What a bitch right?!?! That’s what I would have said if someone else posted this. Barrett couldn’t look at me. He hung his head and said “I’m not hungry” and went to his room.
I found him on the floor in the fetal position crying. When I ask what’s wrong he made up some issue about Merrick which turns into an argument between him and Merrick. After a few minutes he comes out of his room. I pick him up like he’s 2 and sit on the couch with him against my chest and he says “Everything I do is wrong”. He begins sobbing. Immediately my mind floods with my child growing up feeling inadequate with no confidence, me taking over the kitchen and without saying a word, I told him very loudly that his gift sucked and he was doing a crappy job.
I couldn’t say sorry enough. I told him if I had a do over I would pour a cup of coffee, sit at the counter and help only if he asked then happily eat what he prepared with his own two hands. How heart breaking. When I imagine myself in his shoes during that moment I can feel the rejection and the disappointment. My eyes tear up just writing this. We talked for a few minutes, his brothers came over and hugged him and showed him their cleared plates and thanked him for a great breakfast. I made him his chocolate milk just the way he likes, warm and too much cocoa powder. His eyes are red and his face is splotchy.
I AM THE WORST MOM!!! I pray I’ve learned my lesson and won’t do something like this again. Chances are I will. Happy Mother’s Day Melissa! Way to screw the pooch! On a day that is supposed to celebrate everything about you that makes you a great mom you show your kids that you are in fact NOT that. Granted there are worse moms out there that have done worse things but I hold motherhood up high and it’s my goal to reach that peak. To have amazing relationship with my kids, open, honest, loving, respectful and trusting. Despite my screw up this morning, I think I’m doing good. We are always learning right? I guess every kid needs something to talk about with his future psychologist.
My gift to all the mother’s (of animal and human alike) is, learn from my mistake! If your fur baby brings you a dead mouse, love it! They are trying to feed you (probably because your food sucks. I don’t like cats) Or if your other fur baby breaks into your fridge and eats your food tell yourself it’s because he/she thinks you are a great cook! If your child slaves over a cook top or microwave use your manners, eat it and clean up the mess with a smile because he or she is showing you they love you. You’re worth trying something new for. Close your eyes, don’t look at the mess if that helps and just feel the love. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY (to those who deserve it). I have 8 hours left in the day to turn it around so I’m going to get to it!