Big Fat Cat (from last winter)

It’s cold here. I know by Alaska standards it’s really not cold. We’ve been spoiled this year. Today the wind was blowing and 5 above feels like -50. Rather than suffer outside watching the kid ice skate I distracted them with a trip to McDonalds Cootieland.

Those boys up the volume of any place they enter. While ordering lunch I had to send Barrett back to tell Kierran to hush because over all the kids in Cootieland I heard him. Even now sitting here with only one other parent my kids dominate the audio in this place. They aren’t yelling either. Where most people have 0-10, 5 being normal. My kids have 5-15, 10 being normal. I don’t mind taking them to McD’s on cold days. They get energy out and I, along with all the other parents drain the battery on our phone in a judgement free zone.

There were two other families earlier. We are now down to one. The little girl who left might have been 8 and was crushing on Barrett. She wanted to play house and was like, “I’ll be the mom and you’re the dad and we’ll go on a date.” Her grandpa wasn’t phased. Just kept looking at his phone. I paid attention for him. Barrett used his best tactic to get out of that situation, “I’m the fat cat and I just lay here. I’m just the fat cat. That’s what I am. The cat!”

Well played honey. Keep that tactic in mind when those tramps try and corner you into a relationship. Just lay there, curled into a ball on the top level of playland like a colled up cat repeating the fat cat mantra. Those girls will totally leave you alone. She took the hint and slid down the slide and played with the other kids. My battery reached 1% so we bounced.

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