Trust Issues

One of my most prized possessions is my relationship with my boys. Trust is something I work at everyday with them. I want them to understand how fragile trust is. How easily it's lost and how hard it is to gain. We've had our fair share of issues with lying and I've explained how trust in them has been compromised by lying. They are kids however and they are learning but we are old enough to understand how to keep someone's trust and we have to teach them. I want my boys to know without a doubt they can trust us and be assured that when they confide in Scott and I they are safe.

We've created a safe word between us when something has the potential to receive a highly explosive response. They can use the safe word and be guaranteed a calm response. They've used it a few times. It's hard to control a response at times but the method works overall. I want the boys to come to us and feel comfortable asking us questions too. I know right now we're dealing with small potatoes compared to what the future could hold so I feel now's the time to establish open communication and trust.

Driving in the car to town the other day Barrett was silent, lost in thought, riding up front with me. We were cruising down the highway and with a huge grin on his face Barrett confided in me,"Mom, one day when I'm able to drive I'm going to drive down a straight road as fast as I can and when it's icey I'll spin the car around in circles again and again. It will be so fun!"

I love that he trusts me enough to share such thoughts with me! I'm doing it you guys! I'm succeeding at parenting!! He's only 3 years away from being eligible for a drivers permit so let's get real here. I patted him on the shoulder and smiled,"Thank you for sharing that with me honey. I now know that as long as you are under my care I will drive you everywhere because you are not allowed to ever get your drivers license." His face drooped. He shared too much. I gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder and a grin as sort of a kidding gesture. His face reflected my real feelings. I wasn't kidding. Open communication, closed. Trust, damaged. Ehh whatever. They have to have something to talk with their therapist about one day.

Thick With Drama

I found some of my powder makeup in Kieran’s drawer today. I asked him what that was about and he said he needs it for his cheeks in the morning because the makeup comes off at night. He picked up the face powder, opened the container and began smearing it on his cheeks. It’s flesh color so you really can’t see it. Good grief. There’s worse things right?

Like the other day Kierran wasn’t feeling well. His stomach was sour. All he ate was an applesauce cup and drank two small glasses of water. The next morning he awoke and was starving. He ate pancakes and bacon and begged for a Gatorade. I was hesitant but he did only have two small glasses of water the previous day. He must be dehydrated from the day before so I let him have the small bottle of red Gatorade. 

Stupid. 

10 minutes later all of it came up on my couch and carpet. Red, chunky, projectile vomit. UGH! I moved him to the bathroom in front of the toilet and directed him to stay. Right then a person renting our chicken plucker pulled into the driveway. I think I failed to mention Scott wasn’t home AGAIN! I handled the plucker business and came back inside to find the dog eating the puke. WHAT THE HECK! (I really didn’t think the word heck) I peeled Linus away, trapped him upstairs and ran to the bathroom to find Kierran in the same spot which surprised me. He REALLY must not be feeling well because that has to be the longest he’s ever followed directions. In the tub he goes. Cleaning here I come.

After everything and everyone was cleaned up I started packing up the living room. Kierran lay in a box near me looking pathetic. 


Cute but pathetic. He started dozing in and out of sleep. Poor boy. I thought he would have woken with a start when his brothers yelled from up stairs. “MOM!!! MOM!!! ALASKA STATE TROOPERS IS ON NETFLIX!” But Kierran lay there, in the box motionless. The boys LOVE Alaska State Troopers. That will keep them happy and out of my hair for a few days. Thank you Netflix. Moments later they yell from upstairs again, ” MOM! MOM! We saw Mr. Piscoya!!!” He’s a friend of ours and a Lt. at the AST. Kierran remains motionless but manages to mutter in the most self pity filled, on the verge of tears voice, “Their dreams are coming true…but mine aren’t…because I’m sick.”

I burst out laughing. Kierran did not find it comical. I couldn’t text Scott the story fast enough. Who needs girls when you have this drama coming from boys!