One of my most prized possessions is my relationship with my boys. Trust is something I work at everyday with them. I want them to understand how fragile trust is. How easily it’s lost and how hard it is to gain. We’ve had our fair share of issues with lying and I’ve explained how trust in them has been compromised by lying. They are kids however and they are learning but we are old enough to understand how to keep someone’s trust and we have to teach them. I want my boys to know without a doubt they can trust us and be assured that when they confide in Scott and I they are safe.
We’ve created a safe word between us when something has the potential to receive a highly explosive response. They can use the safe word and be guaranteed a calm response. They’ve used it a few times. It’s hard to control a response at times but the method works overall. I want the boys to come to us and feel comfortable asking us questions too. I know right now we’re dealing with small potatoes compared to what the future could hold so I feel now’s the time to establish open communication and trust.
Driving in the car to town the other day Barrett was silent, lost in thought, riding up front with me. We were cruising down the highway and with a huge grin on his face Barrett confided in me,”Mom, one day when I’m able to drive I’m going to drive down a straight road as fast as I can and when it’s icey I’ll spin the car around in circles again and again. It will be so fun!”
I love that he trusts me enough to share such thoughts with me! I’m doing it you guys! I’m succeeding at parenting!! He’s only 3 years away from being eligible for a drivers permit so let’s get real here. I patted him on the shoulder and smiled,”Thank you for sharing that with me honey. I now know that as long as you are under my care I will drive you everywhere because you are not allowed to ever get your drivers license.” His face drooped. He shared too much. I gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder and a grin as sort of a kidding gesture. His face reflected my real feelings. I wasn’t kidding. Open communication, closed. Trust, damaged. Ehh whatever. They have to have something to talk with their therapist about one day.